I originally wrote this to pitch as a magazine article last year, then never really did anything with it. Seems apropos for this time of year on the blog.

There are relatively few occasions any more that call for putting a card in an envelope, stamping it, and writing out an address. With the ubiquity of email, instant messaging, and other communications technology, it seems like the only things that come in the snail mail are bills and junk — that is, except for fancy invitations and holiday cards. These celebrations call for something a little old-fashioned and formal, and a card in the mail is just the thing.

But while you’ll probably send out to the pros — a print shop or a calligrapher — for your commitment ceremony invites and the like, most of us will be sending our own cards this Christmas, Hanukah, Festivus, or whatever holidays you’re choosing to celebrate. You’ll have fun going to the store to pick out cute little cards with snowmen, or something with a dirty picture on the front, or some sassy stationery. You’ll scrawl a little note, or send a newsletter that extensively details your life over the last year, or just write “Happy Holidays,” whatever is your personal style. You’ll put it in an envelope to send to friends and family, and then — well, what goes on the envelope is where the problems start.

Do you know how to write out an address properly? You might consult a style guide for a little direction, but consider this your warning: Miss Manners may not be entirely up to speed on modern gay life. Problem is, these style guides were written with 1952 in mind. Nice young ladies and gentlemen lived at home with their parents until they married someone of the opposite sex and moved out on their own.

“Mr. and Mrs. John Doe,” is all well and good for your married, straight friends, but it doesn’t begin to cover all the possibilities. Sure, there’s some advice for handling wives who didn’t take their husbands’ last names, and even for the cohabiting, unmarried straights. But what do you do with your married gay friends in Massachusetts? The husband’s name comes first, but when there are two husbands — well, what then?

What about domestic partners or the “civilly unioned”? It seems unfair to treat them as mere cohabiters simply because they can’t technically be married. And no doubt somewhere on your address list there’s the real problem family — the four-way lesbian commune, the master and his slave, or the transgendered F2M and her/his ex-husband who are now back together as life partners.

Pondering all this might be enough to make you inclined put the cards back on the shelf and skip the exercise entirely. But don’t give up hope. Remember that the point of the holiday spirit is to connect with friends and family, so don’t sweat the etiquette — just do what seems right. Getting that card in the mail from you is sure to brighten someone’s season.

From us to your family, however you address yourselves — Happy Holidays.